Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
