I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
