(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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