I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
