What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
