chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
