Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
