dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
