i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize