apparently the secret to your success is patron
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
