i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
