Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
