I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
