in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
