Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
