I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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