life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
