Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
