Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
