Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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