You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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