Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
