Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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