Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
