when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
