sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
