i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
