I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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