I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
