coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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