It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
