I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
