I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
