Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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