i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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