That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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