woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
