I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
