you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
