yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
