My Higher Power is John Stamos
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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