At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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