I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
