put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what day is it and did you see me today?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
