The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So many bounce houses so little time
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
