The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
