i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
