i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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