How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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