Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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